i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
