Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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