Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
