im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
smell my finger.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize