She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
