Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
