So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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