yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
