when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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