I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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