I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
