ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
