When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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