I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
