Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
