You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
