Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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