love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
