I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We have started to decorate penises.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
