If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
