Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
