my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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