i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
