R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
