Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize