He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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