it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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