I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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