I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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