oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
