I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
