Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
