Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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