textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
