Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
