I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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