Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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