I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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