I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
