Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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