i would punch a child for taco bell
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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