I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
