Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
