I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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