i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
