batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
