The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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