I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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