Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
