I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
