He uses pillows to masturbate.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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