That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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