good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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