If that was your dad, he is hot
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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