The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
