so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
