i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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