WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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