Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
