this boner is exhausting
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
