So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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