God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
